Dynamic
Because it changes with our experiences, responsibilities, resources and stages of life.
FINANCIAL WELLBEING · EDUCATIONAL REFLECTION
Your relationship with money is more than money mindset
The mind matters, but it does not act alone: emotions, context and stage of life matter too.
What if your relationship with money does not need to be corrected right away, but understood?
On social media, there is a great deal of talk about money mindset or financial mindset. We are often told that if we feel afraid to spend, have difficulty saving or feel a constant need to earn more, we have limiting beliefs that we need to change.
I do not believe our beliefs are irrelevant. What we learned about money in childhood, what we observed in our families and the experiences we have lived through can influence our decisions.
The mind has a critical role. It interprets what we are living through, anticipates risks, uses previous experiences for guidance and helps us adapt when our reality changes. Our emotional states also shape what we perceive as safe, urgent or possible.
But our relationship with money does not come from a single cause.
It also responds to our economic circumstances, our knowledge of the financial system, the stability of our income, available opportunities, privileges, the responsibilities we carry, and the time and effort it takes to earn money.
That is why it is a relationship: it is complex, dynamic and able to change as our lives change.
THE SAME WOMAN, TWO FINANCIAL REALITIES
My own story helped me understand it.
When I lived in Cuba, my relationship with money felt simple and fluid. I lived within my language, my community and a system I knew. I understood how work functioned in that reality and which possibilities I had to earn and manage income.
As a child, I also watched my mother organize the household money. She set aside what was needed for each expense and tried to save something for vacations. Through her example, I learned to plan and use money with intention.
Later, I had a job that offered stability, I was able to save, build a home and start my own business. But it was not only my ability to manage money or my way of thinking.
I also had a support system: my mother, father, in-laws, friends and a community to which I belonged. If something unexpected happened, there were people nearby and a place to return to.
That security was also part of my relationship with money, even though I did not name it that way at the time.
WHEN I IMMIGRATED, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY CHANGED
When I arrived in Canada, many of those conditions changed at the same time.
I was in a new country, with another language, without a home of my own, without close friends and without an immediate opportunity to work in the profession I already knew. I also no longer had the same support network or a safety net that assured me of a place to live if something went wrong.
I was still the same woman. My capabilities had not disappeared. Yet my reality was different and, as a result, my relationship with money changed as well.
Money stopped feeling like a tool that flowed within a stable life and began to represent safety and survival. My attention focused on earning more and more money because I was not yet certain how much I could produce or what would happen if income stopped.
During that stage, I could not always pause to think about the best way to invest, optimize each expense or build a long-term plan. First, I needed to create stability within a new reality.
Looking back, I do not consider that simply a “financial mindset problem.” Many of my decisions were responses to vulnerability and to the absence of the supports that had previously been part of my life.
SO, WHAT ROLE DOES THE MIND PLAY?
The mind matters, but it needs context.
The mind plays a central role, but not an isolated one.
It interprets our reality and gives money meaning. It may associate it with freedom, care, stability, belonging, success or survival. It also uses what we have lived through to anticipate what may happen and help us respond.
When our income, housing or work feel uncertain, it is understandable that our attention focuses on solving what is immediate. At that moment, earning more money or avoiding certain expenses may feel more important than investing or planning for the long term.
If our situation changes, the mind can also help us recognize the new reality and adjust the strategies we use. We can learn, gain knowledge, revisit beliefs, develop new skills and create systems that better support our current life.
That is where I see adaptability as an essential part of our relationship with money.
A response that was necessary during a period of insecurity may stop being useful once there is greater stability. But that adjustment does not always happen automatically. Sometimes we need to pause, observe and remind ourselves that current conditions are different.
This means that some aspects of our relationship with money can be practiced. We can practice noticing our thoughts, expanding our knowledge, organizing information, tolerating the discomfort of a decision, asking for support and acting in ways that align more closely with our current reality and values.
However, training our mind cannot replace insufficient income, lack of safe housing, barriers to work, the absence of a support network or a financial system that does not offer the same opportunities to everyone.
EMOTIONS ARE ALSO PART OF THIS RELATIONSHIP
Money can also speak of safety, freedom and care.
Money is not only about numbers. It can be connected to feelings of safety, freedom, responsibility, guilt, fear, confidence, love, belonging or status. [4]
That is why our emotional states can influence the decisions we make. Fear may lead us to hold onto every resource or avoid looking at our finances. Guilt may make it difficult to spend on ourselves. Urgency may focus our attention on solving the present. And a stronger sense of safety may allow us to consider more alternatives.
These emotions are not proof that our relationship with money is “wrong.” They can offer information about what we have lived through, what we value and what needs more attention right now.
Observing them does not mean automatically obeying them or trying to eliminate them. It means including them in the conversation and asking whether they are responding to our current reality, a past experience or a combination of both.
NOT EVERYTHING IS SOLVED BY CHANGING YOUR MONEY MINDSET
Internal change and external conditions constantly interact.
Affirmations, a budget, saving and financial education can be useful tools. But none of them, on their own, explains or resolves our entire relationship with money.
Likewise, recognizing the importance of context does not mean denying our ability to learn or act. It means understanding that internal changes and external conditions constantly interact.
Financial wellbeing includes being able to meet current obligations, feel some security about the future, absorb an unexpected expense and have the freedom to make choices that allow us to enjoy life. [1] [2]
The Financial Consumer Agency of Canada offers a similar view: the capacity to build financial resilience does not depend only on individual actions. It also depends on the environment, access to resources and a financial system that reduces structural barriers. This is especially relevant for people who arrive in a new country and are still learning how its system works. [5] [6]
The CFPB's financial action model brings together knowledge, skills, motivation, attitudes and context to explain our financial actions. It also recognizes that structural and situational opportunities may enable or limit what a person can do, even when they have information and motivation. [3]
The OECD also presents financial education as one part of a broader approach, together with financial access and consumer protection. Knowledge matters, but it does not replace the opportunities, resources or safety available to a person. [7]
A DYNAMIC, ADJUSTABLE, PRACTICED AND CONTEXTUAL RELATIONSHIP
A fuller perspective.
For me, these four words offer a more complete way to understand our relationship with money:
Adjustable
Because we can review whether our beliefs, habits and strategies still respond to the reality we have today.
Practiced
Because we can develop awareness, knowledge, skills, confidence and new ways of making decisions.
Contextual
Because our options also depend on income, opportunities, privileges, support networks and the systems in which we live.
Not everything depends on us. But neither are we completely immobile in the face of what we have learned or lived through. We can distinguish what we can work on internally, what calls for practical action and what needs support, resources or external change.
WHAT INFLUENCES OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY?
Decisions never happen in isolation.
The way we relate to money can be influenced by:
- The experiences and messages we received in our family.
- The thoughts, beliefs and meanings we associate with money.
- Our emotional states and how we respond to uncertainty.
- Our capacity to learn and adjust strategies as reality changes.
- Our current income, assets, debts and expenses.
- The stability or variability of our work.
- The time, energy and effort we need to earn income.
- The knowledge we have of the financial system.
- Language and our capacity to access clear information.
- The opportunities, privileges and barriers we encounter.
- Our family and caregiving responsibilities.
- The personal and social support networks available to us.
- Immigration, divorce, loss, illness, retirement or another transition.
- The stage of life we are moving through.
A “financial personality” category may help us notice a tendency, but it cannot fully explain who we are or why we make certain decisions.
BEFORE TRYING TO CHANGE IT, WE CAN OBSERVE IT
Understand before choosing the next step.
When we define our relationship with money as “bad,” we may feel that we have to correct ourselves immediately. Yet some behaviors that concern us today may have been adaptive mechanisms that helped us move through a difficult stage.
Understanding them does not mean we have to keep them forever. It means recognizing where they come from so we can decide more clearly whether they still respond to our current reality.
These questions can help you begin that observation:
- 01
What does money represent for me at this moment: survival, stability, freedom, care, growth or something else?
- 02
What thoughts and emotions arise when I spend, save, invest or think about earning money?
- 03
Which part of my financial life feels least secure: earning income, managing it, investing, understanding the system or facing an unexpected event?
- 04
Which current decisions may be responding to a stage that has already changed?
- 05
What knowledge, skill or strategy could I develop to better support my current reality?
- 06
Which factors are within my capacity to act on, and for which ones do I need information, support, resources or external change?
- 07
What would I need to feel greater clarity and freedom of choice, without demanding an immediate transformation from myself?
There is no right answer. The aim is not to judge your relationship with money, but to know it better.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY CHANGED AGAIN
Relationships are not static.
Over time, I was able to rebuild stability, expand my knowledge and create new sources of income. Today I use money to invest, care for my health, help my family, create memories and expand my possibilities for choice.
I also enjoy creating money. I do not necessarily want to stop doing it when I reach a certain amount. What has changed is my interest in choosing how much time I want to devote to it and through which activities I want to earn it.
My past experience remains part of me, but I no longer live in the same circumstances. Remembering that allows me to review my decisions from the life I have now, not only from the insecurity I experienced before.
That is why I now understand that our relationship with money is dynamic.
It is not determined only by our past, our financial personality or our knowledge. It is the result of an interaction among our mind, emotional states, history, resources, circumstances, privileges, support systems and the way we earn money.
And it can transform as we learn, adjust our responses and our lives and needs change.
Because, in the end, it is a relationship. And relationships are not static.
When was the last time you asked whether the way you relate to money still corresponds to the life you have today?
AN INVITATION
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If you would like to explore your relationship with money from a more complete perspective, my individual financial mentorship offers an educational, nonjudgmental space to understand your reality, organize your options and make decisions that fit the stage of life you are moving through.
Sources consulted
This content is for educational and reflection purposes. It is not investment, tax, legal or insurance advice.
01Consumer Financial Protection Bureau — Explore Financial Well-Being Findings02Consumer Financial Protection Bureau — Financial well-being: The goal of financial education03Consumer Financial Protection Bureau — Effective financial education: Five principles and how to use them04Consumer Financial Protection Bureau — Your Money, Your Goals toolkit05Financial Consumer Agency of Canada — National Financial Literacy Strategy 2021–202606Financial Consumer Agency of Canada — What we heard: Shaping a new national strategy for financial literacy07OECD — Financial consumer protection, education and inclusion